The thoughts in the goodbyes
by Silvertounge
Summary: Because she sees us humans as separate entities going about separate lives, intertwining with each other but never deeply connecting. And I want her to find some proof of that connection. Post S5.
1. Brennan

**I know this is one of a million and one post-finale fics out there, so if you've stumbled upon mine thanks! Bones is property of Fox, and HH I'm just playing around.**

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I know I'm stalling as I say goodbye to my friends and co-workers, can I call Dr. Hodgins and Dr. Saryon friends? I feel like I should be able to, for I know I will miss the dearly this year. But they are not the last faces I want to see, so I ignore Miss Wick calling me again and scan the crowd for the face I know may not even be able to make it.

But he did, I shouldn't be surprised. I also should expect the racing in my heart and the pause in my breathing, but I can't say that they startle me any less. Booth has had that affect on me for years now, but I know in my heart that this reaction stems from entirely different feelings.

Since when do I believe in these feelings or that any kind of feelings could be found in the heart? I know it is a stretch for me to pinpoint the exact time myself but I do know that they are there. I know the tenderness in Angela's hopeful wish is her, longing for me to find happiness. I know that Hodgins abundance of advice is his way of telling me he cares. I now that Cam feels abandoned by all of us as we leave her behind. And I know that Booth doesn't want to say goodbye even though we both know that this time was coming.

I have the unique ability to rationalize my emotions however and try to think them out before I act upon them, which I why I don't say goodbye to Booth. I hope I am making the right decision. But as I look into his eyes as he and I repeat the same type of unsolicited advice Hodgins gave me with the same effect I know that for once I have.

I hold his hand tight remembering the feeling of the caressing my skin that night. I try to drink in as much of the feeling as I can and in that moment I'm not sure that I can let him go. But as always Booth knows exactly what I need and pulls his hand away.

He walks away from me, only looking back once and I know now that this man is stronger than I ever gave him credit for, and I know that he is strong enough to fight for both of us. I hope to take this year to become the kind of warrior that he needs, the person who is just as willing to fight as he is. But I know that even if we come back in a year and I am not ready he will have taken the time apart to heal and he will be ready to fight enough for both of us.

He promised.

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**Next up is Cam, Ange and Hodgins.**


	2. Cam, Ange and Hodgins

**More views on B/B at the airport, Cam, Ange and Hodgins in that order. I own nothing but the ideas. Let me know if you like them.**

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So where does this leave me? I'm supposed to just call up a new forensic anthropologist, true I might actually be able to control this one but at this point do I want to? Who will keep the interns in line? Do I even get to keep them if their technical boss is gone? Miss Wick is no loss but I'd like to keep someone who already knows their way around my lab. And I suppose I can just pick up an entomologist and forensic artist from any old department. And then I can just call the Hoover building and request another special agent on top of everything else. You know just single handedly rebuild one of the most successful crime solving units in the DC area.

I am left here alone; my friends and colleagues have all taken off to the world leaving me with a whirlwind of interns and one recently heartbroken FBI psychologist. Not exactly how I had planned to spend my next year of work. But my people have never been anything if not predictable.

Dr. Brennan will follow her bones to the ends of the earth and if she can run away from her feelings at the same time all the better. I have come to respect and even befriend the woman over the years but her obvious blindness to some things is simply infuriating. I've seen the same changes in her that we all have recently and I know that she knows better. She is well aware of the fact that this time she is running but I don't find her awareness to be very comforting.

And Seeley is just as bad, I thought for a moment that he wasn't even going to come see her off today. I know that it's none of my business but something has obviously happened between the two of them that has set them off running. Seeley has that had that defeated look in his eyes for weeks now and I'm pretty sure I know exactly who he thinks he's lost.

Still there's that moment, they stand off in their own world in the middle of the departures gate, the same way they've stood many a time in my lab or her office, and nobody exists but the two of them. She goes to hug him but stops short. He goes to place a kiss on her cheek but pauses. They clasp hands and whisper words not meant for others ears and you just know that there should be more to that goodbye.

But he pulls his hand from hers and walks away as she watches before turning herself. They pause to look back at each other like two ends of the same string dying to be knotted together as one. Then it's gone, the string is cut, its hold around my team broken and who knows if its frayed edges will be enough o hold us together ever again.

So where does that leave me? I am going to have to break in a new team, but try my damndest to keep them as temporary replacements. I didn't ask to be the guardian of these lost and longing souls, but I'll be damned if any one of them tries to stay gone for more than a year. Excepting Miss Wick of course.

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My best friend is a pain in the ass and a break in the heart sometimes. She can be denser than a block of clay and while I'm sure she has no idea what any of that means I'd be lying if I said I didn't love her. Because I do, and I am well aware that I am not the only one, even though she claims not to be able to see that.

Bren is going to Maluku, and while I know it's dangerous I also know Bren is tough and smart. I have no doubts that she'll come back in one piece. But Booth is on his way to a war zone, he may be simply training soldiers but that doesn't make his job any less dangerous and it does absolutely nothing to ease the worry in my heart. For I know as well as anyone that he is a warrior and a hero, and I really wish in this moment that he wasn't.

I've tried to adopt Hodgins' breezy attitude about this time apart. We are going to Paris for a year after all; I should be a little more excited than I am. But I can't help but shake the feeling of dread that this could be the end of our team. The romantic in me wants to think otherwise and practically squealed at the religious looking necklace hanging close to Brennan's heart. But a year is a long time, and for these two it just seems like it will let them move farther apart.

I'm not blind I know something big has happened between them recently. Even in my love induced haze I can see that the usual sexual tension between them has been replaced with a certain degree of simple tension. Its tension that doesn't belong there and doesn't seem right but my best friend has never been one to disclose her dark secrets to me and so I remain in the dark.

I mean what I told her though. I do hope that she finds something that changes the whole notion of what it means to be human. And not in the face value anthropological sense that she may have taken the blessing to start with. I know my words will stick with her over our year apart, because I know Bren once she's among old exciting bones like that she will write off the rest of us for the time being (I no longer find the fact insulting), and I hope as she mulls them over she takes her time to find what I really want for her.

Because she sees us humans as separate entities going about separate lives, intertwining with each other but never deeply connecting. And I want her to find some proof of that connection that gives her understanding of what it really means to live a human life. She'll get there, just not as fast as I feel a certain FBI agent would like.

And Booth I hope he takes this year to get his head and his heart in line, to stop sending mixed signals and subtle messages (Bren does better if you hit her with a metaphoric 2x4) and to just open himself up to the possibility of a new definition of love.

Because watching the two of them say goodbye, even if I can't here the words I know that "I love you's" are being said and I know that neither of them may even catch it because they don't share the same definition of love.

This year is a chance for me to redefine and redevelop my own love. To grow a bond stronger than any chemical reaction can produce and lose myself in the joys of connecting with Hodgins. I will try my best not to fret too much over what I can't change, though I will say plenty of prayers for the safe return of those I care about most.

Yes my best friend is an infuriating creature; I wouldn't have it any other way. This year is a chance for love to grow, to change, and to flourish. And as I bid my friend goodbye as she again jets off to discover the unknown I pray that there is love in her journey as well.

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If I thought we could do it I'd pack Angie up and move us to Paris for good. Living large in the city of love, happy as can be for the rest of our lives. But I know we can't so a year will have to do. It's not like were the only ones leaving anyways. I don't need to work for a living; I do my job because I love it. But breaking in another crime solving duo while intriguing, sounds too heart achingly frustrating to deal with.

That doesn't mean I don't care. I made sure that Dr. B had the best insect field guide I could generate in the short amount of time given. The advice may have been unsolicited, but she shocked me by getting the message loud and clear. Our G-man has been rubbing off on her more than she'd like to let on.

And though I feel nothing but the utmost respect, professionalism and mild intimidation from Agent Booth I will personally fly into Afghanistan and kick his ass myself if he so much as thinks of coming back in less than perfect condition. Okay I might pay someone to kick his ass for me but the sentiment is the same.

The two of them are what bind us together, their bond strong enough to hold us all steady through the murder and mayhem that we chose to call our everyday lives. And maybe a break will do us all some good, I'm not complaining about having my wife to myself in the most romantic city of the world for a year. Maybe we need this chance to reset our minds and get back some of the focus that is lost when a case hits too close to home.

But I'm worried, even though I play it off for Angie's sake. I don't want this year to change them so much that we can't get them back. Our team won't hold together unless Booth and Brennan are strong and sure of themselves. And that means figuring out whatever it is that is forcing them onto different continents.

I know Dr. B's faith in Booth is strong, I've seen it firsthand in her darkest hour and I know that kind of faith doesn't just disappear. But she needs to fins that same trust in herself if they are ever going to hold, she needs to let him see just how much she needs him because only then will she admit it to herself.

I know, I sound like Angela but I can't help but worry that this year has the potential to do them as much harm as good and I really don't know which way they're leaning. But I'm not going to think about that now; I have to get things ready to fly off to Paris with Angie. And if this whole mess blows up we may never come back.

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**You know who's next...**


	3. Booth

**Still not mine, just playing but if you've enjoyed this (or hated it, or had any opinion at all really) I'd love to hear what you think. Until season 6!**

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What am I supposed to do now? How do you say goodbye without really saying goodbye to the love of your life? I know we shared our own goodbye personal and perfect the week before when I went on to the base for training. That one night will sit beautifully in my mind, the pinnacle of perfection among all the moments of her I have collected over the years.

It is those moments, and the moments I refuse to miss with my son that will bring me back to her in a year's time. Those moments are the reason I will heed her advice not to be a hero because I cannot break the promises I made to her. 30, 40, 50 years I said and I meant every last one of them. That's a lot of revolutions around the sun, and it is the thought of them that will get me through this first one apart.

We agreed to keep our goodbye at the airport quiet, simply because we weren't sure if I would be able to get off the base to come say goodbye. Also I'm pretty sure if I kissed her again I would not be letting her go. I had to sneak off but there was no way I was going to miss one last chance to look at her face. The medal I had given her as kind of a joke months before resting close to her heart as we both repeated words of promise.

"One year from today"

"At the coffee cart, I know."

The stares between us saying all we couldn't yet. Saying all that we had agreed to use this year to figure out. She would have computer access but I know Bones and her bones, the world outside Maluku would soon be forgotten to her. Besides as logical as ever she said I should use my limited access to keep in touch with Parker, because so much can change in a child in one year she would hate to be the reason I missed more of it than I had to.

I know Bones well enough to know when she is asking for space. And I was not complaining because as wonderful as that night was the space was something we both needed, even if neither of us wanted it. We were honor bound by our decisions and decided to make the most of them.

And I knew that she would keep her promise. I had waited six years to tell this woman I was in love with her and mean it. We exchanged unsolicited advice at the terminal and she held my hand so tight I feared it might fuse to hers permanently. I knew I had to be the strong one in that moment as I pulled my hand from hers, even as I resisted the urge to call her baby one more time. I walked away pausing only to look back for a moment before turning away for good.

One year from today and we start defining our forever.


End file.
